Absence, explained

Absence. We have a turn of phrase for this word – “you don’t realize what you got til’ it’s gone”. As it turns out, that’s true for blogs, too. My mental health took a turn for the worse. My days grew so gray, that words became meaningless altogether. I couldn’t form any. I couldn’t find enough syllables to care; neither vowels nor consonants stuck around long enough to form even the smallest of words. The reason I know this? In the middle of March, two weeks after a much-awaited, and much-needed appointment with the neurologist, I was standing outside with our dogs, looking at the sky. I couldn’t stop staring at it. The sun was setting, and set the clouds to glowing gold. Think the softest, glowingest gold – the gold of imagination. The gold of memory. The gold that hues your favorite hugs and kisses, your sweetest touches and caresses. It captivated me for so long, my little dog almost wandered off. When a sunset recaptures your eyes, when you look around and realize how hungry you are for color and florals and don’t remember the last time you saw anything colorful – despite it being the season of growth – you know you have been dwelling in a dark place. ….in case you haven’t caught on, the neurologist prescribed to me much needed medicine that has since been pulling me out. Not without some side-effects, however - my words are still confused, occasionally; inside out and backwards, it feels like, but it’s on an upward trend. I have mild memory problems, which is a prohibitor of tasks. I’ll forget I need to do something, or forget the timeline in which I need to do it. Not impossible to overcome, mostly just an inconvenience or annoyance with family. That said, I’m hopeful for the future. I look forward to posting more about recent experiences – including my most recent rheumatologist’s appointment – and about my own experiments with food lately (because diet affects the body!).